Go Away Rain

It has been a beautiful week and Dylan has got to play outside the majority of every day until today. It rained all night last night and a little early this morning so "his dirt" was mud. He went outside for a short period of time but the wind was blowing making it kind of cold and the mud isn't as much fun to dig in because it sticks to your fingers. Dry dirt is way better. His shoes he was wearing have about an inch of mud caked on the bottom and it made it hard to walk, so no fun!

Eli is teething today. He's running a slight fever and tooth #2 on the bottom is coming in. I do feel sorry for him, but I don't enjoy him whining all the time. I am sure it doesn't feel good, though so I'll try to be sympathetic.

I have very little motivation today. I got a couple loads of laundry done and I really need to iron. I think that's one of my least favorite chores and I put it off until it absolutely has to be done. Well, I'm there and I just can't bring myself to do it. I'd almost be willing to pay someone to do it if I wasn't so stingy with my money.

Hard Hurt

Friday will be officially a month since Janet’s passing. I keep thinking it’s going to get easier and some days are better than others, but today was not. I took Dylan by Wal-mart where she worked for 23 years and talked with her best friend. Then, we went down and visited Janet’s work area. Dylan and I had some errands to run in Republic. That was where she worked. We used to go up there and go to lunch with her and her best friend. I did a few things and then went by the Meat Locker. Janet used to pick it up for me a lot of the time. I always have bought ground beef, steaks, and bologna from there since I married Chris because that’s where they always got their meat. It was hard for me to go in there. I’d been there a few times myself but I knew she was always the one who did it for me so it brought back lots of memories. Then, tonight was the kicker. We went over to visit Jerry as we do every few days. Jerry is Chris’s step-dad. He was standing at the gate looking out on their field. Janet used to take Dylan out there all the time to look at their horse, Bobby. Bobby died in the middle of the winter. I think the thing that put me over the top tonight was when the train came. They live right across the street from the train tracks. When a train comes, Janet would always take Dylan over to the steps on the side of the house. She would put Dylan up on the rail around the porch and point at the train. About the time I hoisted him up, I realized what I was doing and fell apart. I regained my composure quickly and put Dylan down and then left so I could gather myself more. We left shortly thereafter and I cried almost the whole way home. It’s so hard to go over there, to go in the house and she’s not there. I’m ready to stop crying so much. I don’t want to forget her. I just want it to stop hurting so much.

Dylan & Nana's Dollar General

This morning I was getting Dylan out of the bath and I told him we were going to get ready to go. He asked where we were going. I said Dollar General and the Library. He said are we going to our Dollar General. I said, Yes. He said, "Nana that's up in heaven took me to that Dollar General before." I asked why she took him there and he said, "She bought me squirt guns." I remembered and told him that was really cool and then reminded him about what he got to do at her house that day with the squirt guns and how much fun he had playing in the water. This was in the middle of last summer. He remembered something on his own about his Nana that is almost a year ago. How cool!

All About the Kids

Eli has been crawling for a couple months now and he started pulling up within a week. About 2 weeks ago he started cruising around coffee tables and anything he could move around. This weekend he started letting go of things and trying to stand on his own. It usually doesn’t last long, but he’s trying. He turned 9 months old last Monday. I can’t believe how big he is getting. He likes to play with doors of any kind. He opens and closes them constantly. Sometimes he gets mad when he closes the bathroom door and can’t get out. It’s kind of funny!

Dylan gets smarter every day. He talks non-stop and is so excited when we get a warm day so he can play outside. He remembers things I told him months ago and never forgets when he’s supposed to get a piece of gum or candy. He is helpful when I’m working around the house. He now has chores to do. He has to take out the bathroom and laundry room trash once a week. He has to dust his dresser once every two weeks. He has to pick up his toys in the sunroom before he goes to bed. He also has to help with other odd and end jobs that he’s capable of doing. He’s been helping his Dad water plants and he’ll probably start helping Chris mow since it’s already getting that time of year.

Diaper Change Disaster

So, I'm changing Eli's diaper the other day. I lay him down on the table. I take off his pants and diaper. I get him all cleaned up and then realize he might be running a bit of a fever. As I'm trying to get the thermometer he pees all over me and the table. I finally get that cleaned up and grab the thermometer. About the time I start to put it in, he poops a runny mess. I start to clean it up and just about finish we he spits up. I clean up the spit up and then he starts to gag on some phlegm. I sit him up to help him get it taken care of and get that mess cleaned up. I finally got to take his temperature which was 102.7 at the time. We got the diaper back on and our day continued as days do with kids who don't feel well!

My Visions

I know in the Bible God says, My thoughts are not your thoughts and neither are my ways, yours. Isn't that the truth. The whole time my mother-in-law was in the hospital I just could never imagine or envision or wrap my brain around the possibility that she might not come home. I kept thinking she'd be ok, everything would be ok and she'd be at Eli's birthday party with a hat on and a bald head. That was my vision, not God's. Since I couldn't imagine it as a possibility I just kept thinking it wouldn't happen. It's so weird. Just a few weeks ago we were sitting in her living room floor listening to her talk about the diagnosis and watching Jerry make phone calls to the family. Jerry kept saying, "She says she's going to beat this thing". We all thought she would. You look at statistics and you just imagine your family is going to be on the good side. They are going to be part of that % that survive. That's just how you have to think. My brain still isn't fully comprehending that she's gone. Everything is so different now.

Weekend Plans

Tonight Chris is taking Dylan to a Springfield Cardinals game. Dylan just likes going to see Louie. They are going with Uncle Trent, Aunt Wendy, Canyon, and Uncle Kerry. This last week is Dylan's first experience getting to know Uncle Kerry. He really likes him, too. They have all-you-can-eat tickets which means they get to stuff themselves on hot dogs, bratwurst, nachos, and other fattening stuff like that.

Eli and I have been invited to Nana's house. We're going to eat spaghetti. Well, I'm going to eat spaghetti and Eli is going to wish he could. He'll probably get to eat some carrots.

Tomorrow, the boys and I are going to Kite Day at church. I hope the weather is nice. Dylan will have fun flying kites. All he wants to know is, "Is Aunt Cole going to be there?" He likes our family on both sides and I'm really glad he gets to grow up around so much family.

Something to Think About

Here's a question my friend was recently asked. It's made me think. I'll get back with you later on my answer.

"Why are you a Christian?"

Laugh, Again!

Although my husband probably doesn't want to talk about this, he actually made a joke the night before last. Then, we saw something on TV and it made us both laugh really good. It's been a while. Last night, during church he had the hiccups and he made another joke. We're on the road to recovery. Recovery doesn't have to mean we forget. It just means we move on with our life in light of the past. We're looking forward but still remembering the past.

Interesting (for lack of better word)

What's interesting to me is that when a funeral is over I've always got to go home and within a day or two things return to normal. You never forget and maybe sometimes your mind is drawn to that person, but you continue on. The family doesn't get to do that for a while. They have to look at the plants and flowers. They have Thank Yous to write. They have all the personal belongings to go through. They have holidays and birthdays to endure without that special person. Our youngest son turns 1 in July. His Nana would be so proud. He's going to be walking by then. He's going to be the one that digs in the cake like you always wanted. His big blue eyes are going to light up when he realizes he gets to feel real food with his own two hands. He's going to have teeth soon. We're going to miss her so much! We're going to make sure our boys know who their Nana was and that she loved them. Her grandkids were very special to her.

Questions

Your kids will ask questions you never expected. You better be prepared. Here are some of our most recent asked questions.
Where's Jesus?
I can't see heaven, where is it?
How do we get to heaven? (remember you're talking to a 3-yr old)
Can we invite Jesus to my birthday party?
Can we go visit Jesus some time?
Why can't Nana just come back to life like Jesus did?
Why won't Jesus bring Nana back to life?
What's that? (sometimes you don't want to answer that question)
Who made God?
Why did God make me like this?
Who am I going to marry when I grow up?
What are you talking about? (sometimes I really don't want to answer that question)

Are you prepared to answer some of those questions? I wasn't, but with time I am learning to be prepared for anything. Although, they still catch me off guard, I can usually think about it for a few seconds and come up with a satisfying answer for both he and me.

Funny Story

Eli was crawling around and he had his pacifier in his mouth. He had lost his pacifier under the table and was chasing Dylan around. He saw his pacifier under the table and started to crawl for it. Dylan saw it at the same time and, of course, made it there first. He grabbed the pacifier up and put it on top of the table. There's no way Eli could get it then. Eli didn't whine he just kept playing and as soon as Dylan left him alone he crawled over to his car seat. I always keep an extra pacifier in the car seat for when we are traveling. Eli pulled up on the car seat and grabbed the pacifier out. He started sucking on the pacifier and then he turned around and gave me the biggest smile. It was like he knew what he was doing. How cute!